Stuck in a cycle of saying ‘yes’? You’re not alone.
As a leader, fearing saying ‘no’ can stem from the desire to be liked, an eagerness to avoid conflict, or simply being raised in a culture that equates compliance with cooperation.
Inclusive and empowering, saying ‘yes’ as a leader feels good in the moment, keeping people happy and encouraging action. In practice, however, indiscriminately giving the go-ahead often demonstrates a lack of clarity, courage, and control.
Drew Povey, an influential leadership authority who works across sport, education, and business, shines a light on why being scared of saying no is a red flag for leaders and how strong leadership means overcoming that fear.
Getting stuck in the hero trap
Too many leaders think that good leadership is all about saving and rescuing people. Being able to ‘save the day’ and fix every problem may feel helpful and supportive, but this often isn’t the case.
Known as ‘the hero trap’, this approach to leadership can fuel group dependence when what we really want to create is an environment of confidence, development, and independence.
Saying ‘no’, when it’s right to, can stop leaders from becoming overwhelmed and overstretched (essentially stopping them from getting lost in the weeds), and empower other members of the team to step up and grow.
In this case, leadership is less about saving the day, and more about enabling growth.
The empowerment equation: Letting others say yes
Closely linked to avoiding the hero trap is the empowerment equation which works a little something like this:
When a leader says ‘no’, they create the opportunity for someone else to say ‘yes’.
Instead of ‘no’ being a rejection or disengagement, it can actually be a powerful way to encourage responsibility, giving others the opportunity to take initiative, make mistakes, and build confidence and capability.
Every time a leader steps in to fix, solve, or accommodate, they may unknowingly and unintentionally be taking away someone else’s chance to develop personally and professionally.
When done with intention and clarity, ‘no’ can signal trust and create room for other team members to flourish. Sometimes, the most empowering thing a leader can do is simply step aside.
They don’t know how to say ‘no’, so they avoid it entirely
Many leaders struggle with saying ‘no’ and it’s not because they lack authority, but because they lack strategy. By mistakenly believing that ‘no’ must be blunt, negative, or final, they either avoid saying it completely or deliver it poorly, resulting in confusion, resentment, or guilt.
Instead, great leaders know how to communicate with clarity, respect, and context. In place of an outright ‘no’, they say things like:
- “Not right now, because…”
- “This is a good idea, just not the right fit for our team with our existing goals”
- “I appreciate the suggestion, but we just don’t have the capacity for this at this stage…”
With a thoughtful and respectful explanation, the ‘no’ becomes less about rejection and more about transparency and understanding – something that teams value far more than vague indecision, broken promises, or unclear expectations.
In leadership, avoiding ‘no’ doesn’t prevent conflict, it merely delays it.
The cost of avoiding ‘no’ shows up in your calendar
All effective leaders should start the week by asking themselves the simple and revealing question: ‘Does my diary reflect my true priorities?’
Because if you’re saying ‘yes’ too often (to meetings, requests, and distractions), you’ll be left with a calendar that’s packed with misaligned tasks, draining conversations, and low-leverage commitments – all at the expense of your own priorities.
Reclaiming control of your calendar begins with having the discipline to decline, delegate, and defer. With these clear boundaries in place, you can prevent your diary from slowly filling up with other people’s priorities instead of your own.
Your time is your most valuable resource – saying ‘no’ can help you to protect it accordingly.
Choosing comfort over courage
As highlighted by an EMBO report titled “The power of saying no”:
“It takes courage to say no, but it maintains liberty by setting limits.”
That statement cuts to the heart of what many leaders quietly struggle with. Ultimately, saying ‘no’ is hard – we want to be liked, we fear conflict, and we want to keep the peace.
We also think that by doing things we shouldn’t, even when it’s misaligned or unsustainable, it can help us to remain relevant or needed. In reality, constantly saying yes erodes clarity, focus, and leadership integrity.
When leaders have the courage to say ‘no’, they encourage liberty within limits by staying intentional with their decisions and focusing on what matters more than people-pleasing and popularity.
As the EMBO report points out, saying no preserves liberty, not by removing freedom, but by creating the conditions in which freedom can thrive. Liberty within limits allows people to understand expectations and do their best work without confusion or burnout.
Having the courage to say no isn’t a sign of selfishness – it’s a sign of strong leadership.