Stuck in a cycle of saying ‘yes’? You’re not alone.

As a leader, fearing saying ‘no’ can stem from the desire to be liked, an eagerness to avoid conflict, or simply being raised in a culture that equates compliance with cooperation.

Inclusive and empowering, saying ‘yes’ as a leader feels good in the moment, keeping people happy and encouraging action. In practice, however, indiscriminately giving the go-ahead often demonstrates a lack of clarity, courage, and control.

Drew Povey, an influential leadership authority who works across sport, education, and business, shines a light on why being scared of saying no is a red flag for leaders and how strong leadership means overcoming that fear.

Getting stuck in the hero trap

Too many leaders think that good leadership is all about saving and rescuing people. Being able to ‘save the day’ and fix every problem may feel helpful and supportive, but this often isn’t the case.

Known as ‘the hero trap’, this approach to leadership can fuel group dependence when what we really want to create is an environment of confidence, development, and independence.

Saying ‘no’, when it’s right to, can stop leaders from becoming overwhelmed and overstretched (essentially stopping them from getting lost in the weeds), and empower other members of the team to step up and grow.

In this case, leadership is less about saving the day, and more about enabling growth.

The empowerment equation: Letting others say yes

Closely linked to avoiding the hero trap is the empowerment equation which works a little something like this:
When a leader says ‘no’, they create the opportunity for someone else to say ‘yes’.

Instead of ‘no’ being a rejection or disengagement, it can actually be a powerful way to encourage responsibility, giving others the opportunity to take initiative, make mistakes, and build confidence and capability.

Every time a leader steps in to fix, solve, or accommodate, they may unknowingly and unintentionally be taking away someone else’s chance to develop personally and professionally.

When done with intention and clarity, ‘no’ can signal trust and create room for other team members to flourish. Sometimes, the most empowering thing a leader can do is simply step aside.

They don’t know how to say ‘no’, so they avoid it entirely

Many leaders struggle with saying ‘no’ and it’s not because they lack authority, but because they lack strategy. By mistakenly believing that ‘no’ must be blunt, negative, or final, they either avoid saying it completely or deliver it poorly, resulting in confusion, resentment, or guilt.

Instead, great leaders know how to communicate with clarity, respect, and context. In place of an outright ‘no’, they say things like:

• “Not right now, because…”
• “This is a good idea, just not the right fit for our team with our existing goals”
• “I appreciate the suggestion, but we just don’t have the capacity for this at this stage…”

With a thoughtful and respectful explanation, the ‘no’ becomes less about rejection and more about transparency and understanding – something that teams value far more than vague indecision, broken promises, or unclear expectations.

In leadership, avoiding ‘no’ doesn’t prevent conflict, it merely delays it.

The cost of avoiding ‘no’ shows up in your calendar

All effective leaders should start the week by asking themselves the simple and revealing question: ‘Does my diary reflect my true priorities?’

Because if you’re saying ‘yes’ too often (to meetings, requests, and distractions), you’ll be left with a calendar that’s packed with misaligned tasks, draining conversations, and low-leverage commitments – all at the expense of your own priorities.

Reclaiming control of your calendar begins with having the discipline to decline, delegate, and defer. With these clear boundaries in place, you can prevent your diary from slowly filling up with other people’s priorities instead of your own.

Your time is your most valuable resource – saying ‘no’ can help you to protect it accordingly.

Choosing comfort over courage

As highlighted by an EMBO report titled “The power of saying no”:

“It takes courage to say no, but it maintains liberty by setting limits.”

That statement cuts to the heart of what many leaders quietly struggle with. Ultimately, saying ‘no’ is hard – we want to be liked, we fear conflict, and we want to keep the peace.

We also think that by doing things we shouldn’t, even when it’s misaligned or unsustainable, it can help us to remain relevant or needed. In reality, constantly saying yes erodes clarity, focus, and leadership integrity.

When leaders have the courage to say ‘no’, they encourage liberty within limits by staying intentional with their decisions and focusing on what matters more than people-pleasing and popularity.

As the EMBO report points out, saying no preserves liberty, not by removing freedom, but by creating the conditions in which freedom can thrive. Liberty within limits allows people to understand expectations and do their best work without confusion or burnout.

Having the courage to say no isn’t a sign of selfishness – it’s a sign of strong leadership.

Surrounding yourself with ‘yes men’ – that’s people who always agree with your decisions just to maintain harmony and gain leadership approval – is a recipe for leadership failure.

When these individuals support your vision without question and only tell you what you want to hear, they don’t strengthen your leadership, they quietly undermine it.

That’s why cultivating a culture of dissent is so important.

Far from being repressed, thoughtful and respectful dissent should actually be encouraged. Essential for ensuring effective leadership, this pushback supports crucial evaluation, often resulting in better decisions, stronger teams, and greater trust.

A prominent leadership coach with significant experience working with elite athletes, educators, and businesses, Drew Povey outlines the dangers of ‘yes men’ and how cultivating a culture of dissent can help.

Combat team-killing echo chambers

When every member of a team feels pressured to agree, the team stops being able to think critically and all authenticity is lost. That’s the danger of an echo chamber: it only creates the illusion of alignment.

Some of the best leaders understand that dissent isn’t about disruption. It’s about data.

Data, in the form of valuable feedback, fresh perspectives, and new insights, helps the team to make more informed decisions. Without it, the decision-making process becomes dysfunctional – bad ideas go unchallenged, blind spots multiply, and risks are overlooked.

Over time, this doesn’t just impact outcomes, it also impacts the whole team by wearing away trust, stalling innovation, and stifling performance.

For a healthier, more productive team, leaders must create space for constructive disagreement by cultivating a safe and trusting environment.

Consider the creeping cost of hearing ‘yes’

Every ‘yes’ you hear as a leader may feel like progress, but when a team stops questioning and starts agreeing automatically, you’re no longer making smart, informed decisions. Instead, you’re just coasting on consensus.

That’s because too many yeses create blind spots. They silence the quiet concerns, skip over second thoughts, and smooth out the friction that often leads to better thinking.

And the cost? It’s rarely immediate, but always significant. Mistakes grow over time and accountability slips. Eventually, these problems can develop into more complex issues and completely trip up projects or entire businesses.

Healthy leadership doesn’t come from surrounding yourself with agreement. It comes from clarity. And clarity can be found in encouraging healthy challenge that sharpens thinking, strengthens decisions, and prevents costly missteps.

Foster the strength of true diversity

Real diversity is not just about backgrounds, it’s about perspectives. Beyond the demographics, diversity should ensure that different voices are genuinely heard, valued, and challenged in a productive way.

When teams embrace different ways of thinking, they make better decisions. That’s because disagreement, when done well, is how we stress-test ideas, uncover blind spots, and pressure-check assumptions before they become costly mistakes.

This is backed by a Cloverpop study white paper which found that diverse teams (in age, gender, ethnicity, and geographical location – and by extension, perspective) make better business decisions a whopping 87% of the time.

Ultimately, if everyone sees the world the same way, or feels they must pretend they do, then you’re not leveraging the true strength of diversity.

Conduct the leadership truth test

The most effective leaders don’t simply ask for feedback, they actively seek brutal truths – something that they’ll never get from ‘yes men’.

To uncover what’s really going on, leaders must cultivate a culture of psychological safety – where people feel safe enough to speak up, push back, admit accountability, and say what they genuinely think without fear.

Whether challenging ideas, raising concerns, or simply being honest, good leaders want to hear those hard truths. Not because they enjoy discomfort, but because they understand that clarity is more important than ego.

As McKinsey & Company’s survey highlights, when employees feel secure enough to openly share suggestions and question the status quo, organisations become more innovative, adaptive, and resilient.

Once leaders know what’s actually happening (instead of what they hope is happening!), they can respond with clarity and confidence – even if it’s uncomfortable or hard.

Use dissent as a leadership mirror

Dissent is one of the clearest reflections of a leader’s confidence. Insecure leaders tend to silence it, while the most secure leaders actively seek it out.

When dissent is offered respectfully and openly welcomed, it indicates that the team leader has built a trustworthy and psychologically safe environment. It also shows that they’re confident enough to be challenged, humble enough to listen, and wise enough to know they don’t have all the answers.

Instead of seeing dissent as a threat to their authority, strong leaders see it as a mirror for self-awareness and growth.

As a result, if no one is pushing back, questioning assumptions, or offering different perspectives, don’t assume alignment – consider whether your team feels safe enough to disagree.
Because if and how your team disagrees with you speaks volumes about your leadership style and efficacy.